Divorce…. its an ugly word .. or is it ?
At first I locked the bathroom door and turned the overhead shower on so it sounded like Niagra Falls to mask the sound of my sobs, hoping my children wouldn't hear me. My crying was guttural, I dont think I had ever cried like that before, The weight of my decision to end my marriage hit me with an intensity I had never experienced before. Despite enduring previous harrowing events in my life, this one seemed to take my breath away. The pain was overwhelming, especially because it was my choice. ! How could I live with myself for turning my children's lives upside down? They didn't deserve any of this; they didn't ask for it. All I had ever wanted was to provide them with the idyllic white picket fence and a mum and dad to come home to, a complete package , a family intact.
But now, all of that was shattered, forever. I won't delve into the details out of respect for everyone involved, but I reached the conclusion that my marriage no longer resembled a healthy, loving, supportive, and respectful relationship. We had years of counselling under our belt, yet it became evident that our values, morals, and expectations would never align.
Enduring the aftermath of divorce has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Suddenly, I found myself standing on my own financially, with no one to rely on. Most of the time, I've been parenting alone, trying not to drown in the tsunami of teenage emotions while simultaneously starting a new business and maintaining a full-time job. It's overwhelming, to say the least. And yet, despite being broken for a while, I slowly picked up the shattered pieces and glued myself back together. It may sound cliché, but when you mend something with super glue, it becomes stronger than ever. That's precisely what happened to me. And that's why divorce is not a dirty word. I am now stronger, more resilient than ever before, and I wouldn't change a single moment of it.
Instead of spending the last three years wallowing in resentment and blame towards my ex, I chose to take a different path. I used this time for introspection, asking myself difficult questions: How did I end up here? What was my contribution to the breakdown of our relationship? Are there traits and patterns within me that I need to address? Often, our relationships don't work out because we ignored red flags from the beginning. This self-reflection became a stepping stone for me to start anew, to live a life that truly fulfills me, and to cultivate beautiful, trusting, and open relationships.
I refused to let it define me; instead, I embraced it as an opportunity for personal growth. My hope is that by witnessing my journey, my children will also learn that they possess an unbreakable spirit. As individuals, we can endure hardships and challenges, recognizing the qualities of resilience within ourselves and our parents.
This life skill will forever protect them from the uncertainties that life presents. I vividly recall telling my daughter, “One thing I can promise you is that life will always throw us curve balls. However, it's how we respond to them that ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”
I understand the immense emotional burden that accompanies divorce, and it is of utmost importance to grant yourself the necessary time and space for healing and grieving. Drawing from my own lived experience as well as being a qualified counsellor , I am well-equipped to provide support through counselling. I can offer valuable guidance during this arduous period, utilizing practical tools and talk therapy and refection to empower you to emerge even stronger than before.
Please treat yourself with kindness throughout this process, as personal growth and self-improvement are fundamental in fostering healthier relationships in the future. As you embark on this journey of moving forward, center your focus on rebuilding your life and crafting a future that aligns with your values, ultimately leading you to find genuine happiness and fulfillment.